Thursday, July 15, 2010
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Please Stand with hand over heart
As An Australian Citizen
I affirm My Loyalty To Australia And Its People
Whose Democratic Beliefs I Share
Whose Rights And LIBERTIES I Respect
And Whose Laws I Uphold And Obey
Whilst Eating as Many Animal Parts
At The Multicultural BBQ
And Swilling Beer Until My Legs Give Way
I Salute The Mores Of The Australian People
And Bash and Biff And Behave Badly
At All Sports Events And Ponce Around
At Religious And Cultural Dos….I Do!
Image from SMH Australia Day
The spread of global worming has not been a total success for the worms, apparently. A spokesperson for WORMSAREUS, Wobbleworm (Wobby) said that sudden increases in the normal population jeopardise long term worm survival. “You get big surges in population and the food needed for expansion just can’t keep up...” BREAKING NEWS: the network wishes to apologise for any inconvenience caused by this spelling mistake. An over-zealous young reporter Quade Rugby admitted today that he created the Wobbleworm to amuse his children and it just “slipped into the story on Global Worming”. He admits he was supposed to write a story on Global Warming but that was “too boring” . Quade has been praised for his initiative and promoted to Senior Editor.
Only one more miracle to go. A dead crocodile has been resurrected by people ‘s prayers to Saint Steve. Sainthood could occur when the pope visits the Queensland home of Steve Irwin. A second miracle has occurred when a plastic replica of a crocodile has been found with oily tears oozing from its eye sockets.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
A Conference on Obesity blames Town Planners for levels of obesity in communities. There are now larger houses, fewer playgrounds, footpaths and trees. In some places there are no trees! Mc Mansions at Shellharbour NSW is a prime example.
Town planners have decided to right their planning bumbles by restricting height and width of doorways in all new house s. The new theory is that people eat to fill the space, so if the space can be restricted people will not eat as much.
There are no plans to plant more trees or encourage outdoor activities yet. All McMansions will have to be retrofitted with smaller & narrower doorways by 2011
Many people in an attempt to become more environmentally friendly are using such low wattage fluro bulbs that the practice is now a health hazard. Old people are having more accidents as they try to find their way to the toilet at night in poorly lit houses. Trippings and hip injuries are becoming more common. The Heath Dept has put out an alert that 18 wattage globes should be used at all times.
A local householder Fiona Palegreen, well known for her green credentials, has had to fight for her life when the worms from her worm farm, located in the kitchen, took over the house. The walls and floor became a death trap from the slime collected after an all night escapee/party by the worms. The door handles and locks were unusable as slime built up on all the vertical surfaces. Ms Palegreen was unable to escape for 24hrs. Her Phillipino cleaner Josie alerted the fire brigade this morning. A Cherry picker was brought in and she was found cowering in the bath.